Long Time, No Blog...

Its been a while since I last wrote. Feels like a million events have occurred, yet I have nothing to contribute to this entry. My (then) boyfriend has proposed to me and we have been married. We moved in together, in a condo on the beach where he is stationed. Its so beautiful to look off my balcony and see the ocean, but so sad when you watch the waves crash and there is no one by your side. My newly wed (aug 19, 2010) husband was deployed to Afghanistan in October-ish. Its been a strange, lonely ride. I cant say that I'm not strong enough to face this deployment, because i'm already way passed half way, but i'm saying i never wanted to be left here, alone. Then again, who ever wants to be left by the ones they love. On the bright side, he's a million miles away and he still makes me fall more in love with him every day. I keep him in my heart but i try not to miss him too much because it would only cause pain. I feel a warm breeze and i know its him sending me a kiss, but its bitter sweet...for i long to kiss his lips. two more months.......till life is normal again. But whats normal to a Marine Wife, is never truly normal at all.

Until You Have Loved a Marine (Poem)

Can you see the pain behind her smile?
She hides it so well.
Can you hear her voice tremble as she speaks?
Not so easy to tell.

Do you see the solitude in her eyes?
As if she’d show it.
Do you notice the emptiness in her soul?
No way for you to know it.

Can you hear her heart break?
As he ships off to war.
Do you hear her choke back the tears?
As her love walks out the door.

Do you recognize her patience?
As she counts down each day.
Can you hear her ask for courage?
As she kneels down to pray.

Do you see her pride?
As she flies that red, white and blue.
Can you feel her strength?
Knowing this is what he has to do.

You’d never guess that she wouldn’t change her life,
Or any moment in between.
“Semper Fi” is a phrase you’ll never understand,
Until you have loved a Marine.

What it Takes (Poem)

The waiting is tolerated.
The pain, learned.
The time apart is unbearable.
His return, earned.

The crying is untamable.
The loneliness, despised.
The distance is inevitable.
The worst feeling, goodbyes.

His strength is respected.
His bravery, admired.
His smile is a gift.
His love, inspired.

My heart is strong for him.
My faithfulness, unaltered.
My fidelity is unbreakable.
My cowardice, faltered.

Our hearts grow stronger.
Our passion, unhindered.
Our weakness is gone.
Our fears, surrendered.

You think you know me, but you havent the slightest clue

You think you know me, but you haven't the slightest clue. Im the brunette standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eyeing the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while paging through the latest issue of Modern Bride. The look on her face is complacent and her thoughts are thousands of miles away on some military base she's only been verbally described of over the phone.

Im the young girl in the next car with the windows rolled up and the glassy visage only on the road ahead. The radio is set to one of the local country stations which is currently playing "Letters From Home." But you can't hear it because you're talking to a family member or a friend on your cell phone. You catch a glance at the Marines sticker on the bumper of her car but you don't know that when the song reaches my dearest love it's almost dawn, I've been laying here all night long, wondering where you might be, her heart breaks a thousand times.

Im the young woman who is planning an entire wedding on her own, with only the little input she can get from her husband-to-be over the phone. Im the girl who visits the Marine Corp Wives website at odd hours of the night to find some kind of comfort for that lonesome feeling that has settled in the pit of her stomach. Im the woman who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen.

I'm the woman who will willingly sacrifice her family, her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this but deals with it without complaint. Im the young woman who swells with pride every time she sees her Marine standing tall in his dress blues. I'm the one who spots a Marine sticker, license plate, or flag and feels a connection with its owner, hoping that maybe she's not alone in this melancholy, sacrificial situation.

Im the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President, regardless of her own opinion because he is the boss of her soon to be husband, because he's the man who our troops are fighting under. I am the young woman who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life. I am the young woman who tries to concentrate during her classes and do the job she gets paid to do.

I am the young woman who hates sleeping alone. I am the young woman who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is laying right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. I am the young woman who tries not to miss him, who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of soldiers. I am the woman who is terrified that the love of her life will be sent off to war, enabling them to get married when they had planned, hoped, and prayed.

I am many things.
A daughter.
A sister.
A cousin.
A niece.
A co-worker.
A friend.
But most importantly, I am the fiance of a United States Marine.

Broken

Yesterday I got hit by a car on my bicycle. For some reason a feeling came over me and I let the woman, who tboned me at 30 mph, go. I felt fine, but today I felt the unbearable pain. Not only in my body, but in my heart. My marine is elsewhere training and all I want is for him to hold me....then all the pain wouldn't feel so bad.

Until Next Time...

The Moment of Truth

I finally told my parents today that my Marine and I are getting engaged. My marine is going to talk to my father first but we wanted to let them know ahead of time because its going to happen in such a short period of time...

My father took it well, but my mother was very inquisitive. I guess that is ok, right?

I just want this to happen so I can be with my Marine forever :)

Can a Lonely Heart Survive?

Day one into this month long 'adventure'. Everything about my life reminds me of the wonderful man that I long to hear from. I've been trying to fill my days with a multitude of activities to expedite the time that must be spent alone. I recently volunteered at a boarding/day care for animals, somewhere I intend to work until my Marine and I get married and start our beautiful life together...

I have so many exciting and wonderful plans for my life, that are soon to come after our time apart. So many reasons to smile and be thankful for the blessings I posses in my life. Yet, there is a sadness clouding my head and my heart. Thus keeping me from enjoying said blessings. I'll just continue to remind myself that I am lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life and that not everyone gets the chance to love like this....


Until next time....